Jeoprady for the Cullens
by Rogue12158
Summary: Edward and Carlisle have a deep, dark secret. Quote: "Carlisle and Edward can't be gay for each other! Imagine the awkwardness of the wedding!"


No own.

-:-:-:-:-

"Aw, Edward, please. Charlie's not here, and I'm bored," I begged into the phone.

"Well, someone sure has lost their attention span, huh?" He replied.

"Shut up. Will you just tell me why you don't want me to come over today?"

"No, I don't think I will."

"And why is that?"

He didn't answer me. Alice, however, did. "Oh, Bella. Edward just doesn't want you to find out about his and Carlisle's deep, dark secret."

"ALICE!! GET OFF THE PHONE!!" He shouted.

"Edward, if you didn't want me to butt into your conversations, you shouldn't use the land line. Honestly," She replied, seemingly quite pleased with herself.

I heard Emmett's voice next. "Bella, Edward just doesn't want you to know that he and Carlisle are gay for each other."

I felt my eyes widen. I sure hope that my fiancée was not gay for my future father-in-law… That would sure make the wedding awkward.

_Then I'd never get my honeymoon!!!_

Edward's voice came on the phone again, "Bella, no, Bella, I'm not gay—I swear. Emmett's failing to be funny."

I know that, but the very fact that Edward's been a virgin for _so_ long… Kinda makes you think.

"So… Does that mean that I can come over?" I sneaked.

He groaned. "Sure. Just, don't hold anything you see over my head."

Ah, salvation from boredom is almost here.

-:-:-:-:-

When I got to the Cullen house, I heard shouts and screams and profanities from inside. I would have thought that Emmett and Rosalie had decided to take advantage of some free time if the voices weren't distinctly male.

I could understand what was being said only as I walked through the door. "NO, CARLISLE, THAT DOESN'T WORK!!"

"STOP READING MY MIND, EDWARD!!! YOU'RE WRONG ANYWAYS!!!" Carlisle shouted back.

"YOU CAN'T DELIVER THE BABY NOW!! THE THING HAD PULMONARY HYPOPLASIA!!! SHE'LL DIE!!"

"EDWARD!!! THAT RASH WAS JUST WHAT IT WAS!! A RASH!!! BESIDES, THAT HOSPITAL HAS THE BEST NICU IN THE STATE!!! THOSE UNDERDEVELOPED LUNGS WILL BE FINE!!!"

"ARE YOU AN IDIOT, CARLISLE?!?! AS IF CUDDY WOULD MAKE THAT MISTAKE!!!" Edward shouted again.

It was then that I took a moment to look at the illuminated television screen in the living room. It seemed that they were watching that doctor show, House. I let out a sigh of relief, they really weren't gay for each other.

Emmett walked into the room and saw my relieved expression. "Emmett, I can't believe you told me that Edward and Carlisle were gay for each other."

Emmett just laughed for a few seconds before saying, "Yeah, sorry about that. I couldn't resist. It turns out that they're just gay for Hugh Laurie. I think that Carlisle goes for the eyes."

That was when Carlisle and Edward realized that I was standing there. Carlisle looked embarrassed—which I have to say is pretty funny looking—and Edward just looked shameful to have me witness this.

I think Edward's face was funnier.

"Bella!" He exclaimed. "I didn't know you'd be here so soon!"

"Why wouldn't I have come now? I was bored out of my mind," I told him. "Besides, what's so wrong that you didn't want me here?"

Before he had a chance to answer me, Edward and Carlisle quickly turned back to the television to listen to something that a character said.

"HA!" Edward shouted in his father's face. "I TOLD YOU IT WAS PULMONARY HYPOPLASIA!!"

"IT WAS A LUCKY BEGINNERS LUCK!!!" Carlisle yelled right back.

"BEGINNERS LUCK?!?! I'VE BEEN THROUGH MED SCHOOL TWICE, OLD MAN!!"

"BUT I'VE BEEN A DOCTOR FOR TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS!!! I THINK I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU!!!" I'm sure that Carlisle's face would be red right now if it weren't for the fact that he's a vampire. Although I doubt that I've ever seen two people yell at each other like that.

I leaned over to Emmett, who was still in the room, and asked, "Why are they doing this?"

He leaned towards me with a conspiratorial vibe to it, and said, "Every time there's a house marathon on… It ends up being worse than Rosalie and Jasper during Jeopardy."

That's a story I didn't even want to know about.

-:-:-:-:-

Later in the evening, Edward and I were just sitting in his room, relaxing. Or at least I was trying to relax, but Edward was killing me with unnecessary apologies.

"_Edward,"_ I began, "it's okay. So you and your father like guessing the tragic illnesses of fictional characters. Weirder things have happened. Just let me know next time there's a House twelve-hour marathon one and I'll be sure to miss it."

"Whatever you say, love."

And then we moved on to more _pleasant _things to do.

-:-:-:-:-

Hello, again!! This story was written in honor of my school's choir's success at the Ensemble NYSSMA (New York State School Music Association). Gold with distinction for the second year in a row, with it being the sixth consecutive year that we got gold.

My friend has an unhealthy fangirl love of House, and House/Wilson, so this is for Gracie.


End file.
